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    [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

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    [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Sun May 22, 2011 12:44 pm

    FA Name: TACOS OF DOOM

    F-RPG Name: KHAOS

    Back-Story: KHAOS is a demon that was formed during the Black Plague, he was formed from the thoughts that came through the heads of people when they caught the disease to when they died from it. He is partially human so he can change his form to look like a human, a demon, or a Turtle that walks on two legs. He is a male demon that hates the fact that he lives from despair, he tries to be good but by nature he is bad, he tries to cover up his regret and self-hate through laughter/humor. He is very hard to kill and when he is in demon form, he is practically immortal, he can only be killed by an axe made of the frozen blood of the creator of the weapon, the axe has to also be smelted in china and has to be used within thirteen hours of being created. Other weapons can slightly hurt him, but those weapons have to have been covered in someone else's blood. Two years before the F-RPG takes take place, a teenage boy tricked KHAOS into friending him, and the boy trapped KHAOS for a year and a half, every day during KHAOS' time being trapped, the boy would take KHAOS' blood three times a day and drink it, the boy then became half demon and KHAOS got his revenge once he escaped, he used his scythe that he calls "TACOS OF DOOM" (the name has nothing to do with the scythe) and cut the boy into 13,000,000 pieces, using his own "random" magic, he kept the boy alive during the entire process so he could feel every kind of pain that each piece feels. KHAOS through a hundred pieces into hell where the boy (Jinesty) would feel burning forever, he put the pieces that made up the brain into thousands of jars that are in impossible to reach places (such as in Yellowstone's lava supply, at the bottom of the Pacific ocean, in Castle's world ~which required some favors for KHAOS to do first, and inside the core of Earth) after the sixth monthes it took for KHAOS to finish his revenge he went to... (where the F-RPG takes place)

    Description: as a human, he has blonde hair, Brown eyes (that turn red when he is pissed), he is about 5ft-8in, he wears a purple hoodie, black jeans, a black belt with white detail and a skull belt buckle, a black t-shirt, a pair of neon-blue skateboard shoes, and he is often seen with the scythe "TACOS O DOOM" in his hand/hands.
    as a demon, he has pitch black skin and hair, has red eyes (all red, no white or any other color), has razer sharp teeth,a purple tounge, wears a pair of gray shorts that look like they were ripped at the knee, and he is about 5ft-8in tall, his fingers can be sharp or round depending on his mood, and he has his scythe "TACOS OF DOOM" in his left hand when doing anything but fighting, when he fights, the scythe is in both hands.
    as a turtle, he has green skin and a darker green shell, his eyes are black, he has a sharp tooth that is visable when he smiles, he wears nothing but a sombrero, and he has a miniature version of "TACOS OF DOOM" in his hand/hands.

    Abilities: KHAOS can confuse people with his thoughts, he can send odd thoughts into peoples' heads, he can create dark energy and fire, he can bend and distort his body in any way he wishes. he can add another armor or leg to his body temporarilly if he wishes, and he can send his hands into places like the core of the Earth or into someone's backback as a joke.

    I don't have a picture, but this is the main idea for my F-RPG character.

    This character is gone, no use talking about him anymore.


    Last edited by TACOS OF DOOM on Tue May 24, 2011 6:27 am; edited 2 times in total

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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Sun May 22, 2011 1:00 pm

    Very nicely done...intersting story...


    ....would feel burning forever, he put the pieces that made up the brain into thousands of jars that are in impossible to reach places (such as in Yellowstone's lava supply, at the bottom of the Pacific ocean, in Castle's world
    ~huurrrrrr <_<

    P.S. Maybe i will write my own story as well....i am picking up some interest from these stories Soldy...remember once i told u ...literatures that do not concern with philosophy do not interest me? ...lets just say thats not true anymore ._.
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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Sun May 22, 2011 4:17 pm

    Love that.

    What kind of favors are there for you to do for a The Gate Guardian? :O I just sit there, being annoyed non freaking stop by demons.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Sun May 22, 2011 10:42 pm

    Let's first point out the good points: Your sentence structure is okay for the greater part , you actually gave it a shot and took the time to write something and I kinda like the "Black Plague being, which tries to do good" idea. You structured your ideas and used breaks. The descriptions of his looks usually helped people get a general image, but could be more specified.

    Now to the cons:

    A) He is overpowered.

    B) Why such a kind of revenge on the teen? Didn't he want to be a good guy? Why hide the pieces? Why so many pieces? Why any of this? This makes no sense and it completely counters everything you gave us as info about this character in the first place.

    C) What are his motivations? And why the hell would he team up with anyone? (The intention is that we will form an unlikely bunch of adventurers, starting in said Tavern.)

    D) Sometimes you were really randomly specific.

    E) Don't we already have a demon? (And a better written/ well balanced one at that.)

    F) "After the sixth monthes (grammar errors) he went to the tavern": Is there a reason to go to this tavern?

    And G) (Which is only a personal problem I have:) His Scythe has "TACOS OF DOOM" written on it? I understand you might want your fanart scythe to have that name on it, but...


    Your character might fit the bill for an unbeatable evil character - but daaamn, even "Sariel, the Angel of Death" I am planning to write/draw isn't that powerful. I'm sorry to say it, but this can be done much better. I like the fact that you are putting effort into it, tho, and you show promise.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 4:00 am

    Sold, E) is incorrect. He's the only demon, I'm an evolved human. Demonic, but not a demon.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 4:06 am

    Still, almost the same thing.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 4:08 am

    Nah, my story will eventually get into the complicated detail of the difference. It's insulting to me to be called a Demon, because thus far the only demon I've shown care at all for is "Khaos" and he didn't get anything easily from me. I hate all other demons. O:


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 4:30 am

    You liked *this* demon? Oh my. You should be more picky.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 4:43 am

    I liked him, because of his dedication to his mission. (Hiding the pieces)


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 5:00 am

    Dedication to the most pointless, stupid and goriest mission ever? e.e


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 5:01 am

    I'm the Guardian of the gate to the Underworld, pointless violence, and gore are my type of party.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 5:02 am

    Since when is that the case?

    Lenra will nuke you with a giant lazar while you're unprepared, I can tell you that.

    I still don't like TACOS' text. Period.


    Last edited by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 5:03 am; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 5:03 am

    Well, Sold when I'm stuck outside of the Underworld with demons annoying me all the time.. Anything other than that is fun. :P


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 9:01 am

    Well, I was think of going into two directions with the "Castle's world" part, I was thinking of making it so that KHAOS was being haunted down by Castle because he snuck into Castle's world and pissed Castle.

    I don't know how to make him not overpowered, I mean I just made him hard to kill not untouchable, and that is only in demon form, in the other two forms he can be killed by decapitation.

    By drinking KHAOS' blood, the teen had become half demon, and wouldn't you get some kind of epic revenge for someone trapping you for a year and a half?

    The 13,000,000 pieces, I was thinking something 13 or 666 related...

    With his scythe, I was thinking that he is the demon of randomness so I chose to have my very random name as his weapon.

    The detachable hands thing, I came up with that after I came up with the hiding of Jinesty's body, and I could either make him able to go through walls, or he could send his hands through objects.

    Sorry if he was overpowered and if my grammar was bad, I'm not perfect!
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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 9:29 am

    Please, don't take what I posted personal. But eh... I think there are things missing. Mainly his motivations to do things. And yes, if he is the kind of guy who goes for epic revenge, then he's a bad guy. He doesn't try to be good. You know, I try to avoid seeing black and white (Good & evil are too cliché), but this guy is "chaotic evil" on the typical RPG scale.

    I would only be able to see him as a bad guy, someone who opposes the group. And I really have trouble imagining how we would add you to the story like that.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 9:34 am

    I was thinking, he is kind of like a sibling, where they do things that can totally piss you off but they are trying to be good, (kind of like moms according to FML) He kind looses control when he is pissed, and with demon nature he kind of doesn't have a choice. Maybe joining the group is his way of trying to make up for the chaos that he has caused.
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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 9:50 am

    Think of something.

    For example my Lenra character would *never* side with someone that gruesome.
    Looking forward to further content.

    Btw, yes, I know my nagging can be annoying, but eh... I really have a lot of trouble imagining your current demon/teenie/kappa anywhere near the storywriting section. e.e
    But I really like the fact that you want to join the fun.


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 9:53 am

    That could be a good plot twist in the story... Lenra doesn't trust KHAOS, so he is partially trying to prove he is good... or maybe she could make an attempt at killing him while he is in demon form, and that is when the way to kill KHAOS could be revealed...

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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 9:54 am

    Kappa?
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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Sold Out on Mon May 23, 2011 9:56 am

    Kappa is the Japanese term for the humanoid turtles. A Japanese tool would be the Kama - a miniature Scythe which could be used as a weapon.

    You seeing the similarities? :>


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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 9:59 am

    So my character is a Demon in self-denial, a teenage boy, and a kappa with a kama. :D'
    Sounds interesting!

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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 10:00 am

    U 2 get on chat T_T" and settle this. please its annoying to hear u 2 bable here. pirat

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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 10:02 am

    We aren't babbling, we are publicly debating so anyone can pitch ideas!

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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Guest on Mon May 23, 2011 10:06 am

    Seem way too many of those and trust me it ends up with Sold dominating and the topic being locked lol. If you want to debate publicly u gtta have this HUUUUUGE paragraph of points backing urself up and it has 2 b gramatically correct. IDK y but its just always like that. What a Face
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    Re: [locked] KHAOS: Demon of Randomness

    Post by Castle on Mon May 23, 2011 10:30 am

    If I were to be hunting you, it wouldn't last long. Remember. I can make portals Anywhere at anytime.

    But that would be fun.. having a rival thing. O:

    Also, have any of you thought of any story AFTER I show up? Because remember, when I show up, it's after I open the gate and release the demons into this world.. so..


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