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    Poem: Snow Trail

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    Wisna

    Posts : 173
    Age : 21
    Location : Springfield, VA.

    Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Wisna on Sun Dec 12, 2010 5:46 am

    Snowy Trail

    When we walk the path of fallen snow,
    That covers the trail of where we go,
    It's hard to see the road ahead,
    When covered be the path we tread.

    And even though our path is gone.
    With heavy heart we must move on,
    For even when life brings us pain
    Yet still beneath a path remains.
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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Ranger 50 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:21 am

    Wisna wrote:Snowy Trail

    When we walk the path

    ...

    *yawn*...

    Wisna wrote:SnowyTrail

    of fallen snow

    ...

    *snore*...





    zZz...
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    Wisna

    Posts : 173
    Age : 21
    Location : Springfield, VA.

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Wisna on Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:33 am

    I see that you can't see the meaning within the poem.
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    Sold Out
    Admin

    Posts : 1679
    Age : 23

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Sold Out on Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:49 am

    I really like the poem, I really do.


    Only line i found confusing was "When covered be the path we tread." Didn't sound as ... perfect as the rest : P

    By the way, if you made it longer, I would really like to see your metaphor for death. Because it's literally the end of the road.


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    Wisna

    Posts : 173
    Age : 21
    Location : Springfield, VA.

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Wisna on Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:57 am

    The snow symbolizes things that can cloud our judgment, such as lies and other things. Sometimes when they cover our path, we can't see it anymore, and so we follow what we believe is true.


    By the way, if you made it longer, I would really like to see your metaphor for death. Because it's literally the end of the road.

    For now, I'll worry about how I will tread my path. I will not think of how it will end, for that will just cloud my judgment. For now, I just want to live my life.
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    Sold Out
    Admin

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    Age : 23

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Sold Out on Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:27 am

    Eeeh, maybe I picked my words badly. I know what you meant, but the "when covered be" sounded a little off. Good poem anyway.

    Maybe add a bit that describes how you focus on staying on that path ;D


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    Wisna

    Posts : 173
    Age : 21
    Location : Springfield, VA.

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Wisna on Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:40 am

    I'll take what you said into account when I write another poem, thank you for the advice.
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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Ranger 50 on Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:53 am

    *drools*...

    Poo-etry and Ranger 50 ain't no good a combination... o-o

    Although I did have to write a sonnet for an English class T-T


    Soon nears a storm that shall blacken the sky
    And when come forth dark clouds that hide the sun
    That shall sweet singing birds end short their cries
    And cause Earth’s creatures flee from that to come.
    Calling harsh winds that shall soon all expose
    Flashing up high with streaks of heavy light
    That crash upon the trees in fatal blows
    Man’s work shall it destroy with the last strike.
    Prepare thou hast to miss this certain death
    Because in time shall it discover thee
    And with lifeless fingers remove thy breath
    This shall thy loved ones cause great agony.
    But soon a seed of hope shall spring to life
    The shining star amidst the endless night.


    *snore*..
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    Wisna

    Posts : 173
    Age : 21
    Location : Springfield, VA.

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by Wisna on Sun Dec 12, 2010 5:37 pm

    Whatever, why did you read it then?
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    pipoca77

    Squad : Dudes with 3 nipples
    Posts : 1266
    Location : Milk of the nipples

    Re: Poem: Snow Trail

    Post by pipoca77 on Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:55 am

    This burning passion, it fills me with desire
    And drives me and it drives my cause
    I'm filled with reasons my reasons drive me further
    Disdain for disbelief will stay the course

    And now it swells in me
    Smash all my defenses down
    I'll take this, I'll let this fire consume me

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