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    My Birthday and Me

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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Sun Jan 19, 2014 1:51 pm

    So...yesterday I sorta turned 18, officially.

    Had a mad 18th party, downed a few gallons, smashed the odd window, pulled a bird here and a punch there... All in all, it was a night of...I actually don't remember half of it. But it was nice, in a hammered/puke-fested sort of way. ^.^

    I had half a mind to post this in the Members Intro section...and I actually would've if I wasn't already in Gen Discussion and yay laziness.

    This is a story all about how my life got flip-turned upsi- So now I'm in my final year at school. The past couple of years were quite disorientating, in retrospect.
    Finally figured what I really wanted to do with my life - produce music - and then decided to apply for sociology at university (they're kinda related, somehow...hopefully...crap) which, don't get me wrong, I do have quite an interest in, but it's not anything like the deafening euphoric thrills you get from doing sets at Ultra Music Festival...Meh.
    I scraped a miraculous set of A's last year and threw them at a Cambridge University application which, after putting me through a blender of interviews and other assessment shenanigans, bizarrely threw an offer of acceptance back at me. Oh, and I also broke up with a girlfriend of 3-odd years (or maybe she left me :|...) which wasn't the best thing, but any heartbreak was slightly patched up by the second best uni in the world telling me I deserved a place in their ranks (which I still disagree with - have you seen the kind of people that go there? e_e).
    I did a bunch of other things...But none of them are really worth mentioning (sixth-form life isn't quite the pinnacle of excitement I'd envisioned it to be). Oh yeah, I learnt how to windsurf. Now that was badass, even if 3 out of the 4 hours was spent thrashing about in the sea trying to flip my board the right way round. It's hard! Once you get going and the wind is actually being nice for once, though...Damn I wish it was summer again. Being cold just sucks. Speaking of which, Scotland was not graced with a single godforsaken snowflake this past winter. It was my last bloody year at school and I wasn't even able to lob snowballs at the annoying 12-year old brats in first year. Rocks, anyone?
    My school is getting rebuilt, so the senior years have had to relocate to some shitty ex-elementary school that I'm pretty sure was a prison at some point. Looks the part, at least. Toilet mirrors that have been nailed to the walls at waist height and sinks the size of a spaghetti bowl. Not to mention the 2mbps internet speed that has half the computers crashing when you open Notepad.
    Speaking of school, I have 3 mocks this week, which I have done absolutely nothing in terms of revision for. Procrastination is such a great best friend. Sometimes I just want to stab it in the heart, but how can you hate on something that lets you prioritise a Game of Thrones marathon (have I ever mentioned how much Joffrey Baratheon sucks goat's ass?) over exam revision and feel perfectly happy about it? I am planning on doing something that'll silence this best friend when it comes to my actual final exams... In other words; nothing, halp me D:
    And right now? Ehh, not doing much except learning the basics of DJing and googling the best ways to stay awake during class.

    How is everyone else? By this point I wholeheartedly agree with the whole talking-to-brick-wall idiom, what with how much this place has actually become one, but I might as well finish the post...r-right...? 
    It'll be interesting to see what you guys have come out of the tri-year blending machine looking like as well. So yeah, fire away if you see this and have the time.

    So why all this? I guess I was just caught by a wave of nostalgia. Or maybe there's nothing else to do... (study? What study? >.>)

    I love you all. Mhm, especially you. Yep, that's you I'm looking at. ;)

    Ranger ~.^
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Mon Jan 20, 2014 10:27 am

    I caught your stare, Ranger.
    I caught it.
    Happy Birthday!

    The past year of my life has been a bit of hell mixed with a pinch of depression.
    Firstly, my parents were tired of renting... We bought a house. Yay moving!... Again.
    In the process of moving our oldest dog of the two we had was killed by the younger, which I nearly killed upon finding her. She was thirteen and had been with me for the majority of my life.
    After that it was very... empty in our new home, so I went and literally stole a cat.
    Not really stole, necessarily, but I took one from someone's yard. They take in strays and feed them but don't give them medical attention, little Toby, my cat, was the smallest and he had a URI. I couldn't leave him there.

    THEN our oldest cat died on Christmas day... my dad and I had to bury her before my younger siblings did the whole Santa thing.

    Oh, and my girlfriend and I have been on and off and I've been slightly suicidal for the last year, so I'm officially medicated. Yay.

    That's my year in a nutshell.


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:08 pm

    Thanks brother.
    I'm sorry about your pets :/ I'm not the biggest pet-lover you'll find but my girlfriend was and she rubbed off on me quite a bit, so I feel your pain like it were mine.

    For yourself... I won't bother with the 'aww, that sucks' line because you don't need it and is too generic of a response. What I will say, though, is that the silver lining expression is very true. It only depends on your perspective - should you be willing to alter that, you may well rediscover a great many things that can turn your life around if that is needed. Just keep persevering. There is no shame in blind courage like there is in a hollow spirit. When Emma and I broke up I went through quite a rough time, but I found delight in other things that have been my remedies, of sorts. If you need anything, I'm here, cos bromance. <3
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Mon Jan 20, 2014 12:31 pm

    Thanks Ranger. The medication helps, surprisingly, even though the side effect list includes but is not limited to, "increase in suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts and fatigue."

    So far they've just made me sleep and not feel emotions. It's... interesting.

    As for the pets, thanks on that, too. I've always been a pet person and especially a dog person. After that dog... I was changed completely. I don't care for them anymore, and I've come to realize that cats are great for entertainment and mine doesn't destroy everything in sight, so... bonus!

    Bromance <3


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Mon Jan 20, 2014 1:30 pm

    It's a great thing that you're even on medication to start with - it means you have, in one way or another, confided what you're going through to other people who can help, which is an incredibly difficult first step. I know a guy who is going through severe depression who can't and won't bring himself to see and talk to someone, let alone get prescribed medication. I'm really quite close to the guy and it's just awful seeing him deteriorate like he is. So for the medication alone, Castle, you have my genuine respect if you didn't already have it before (you did doe <3).

    Emma went through a similar experience with her pets, only her dog had to be put down. Her and Tusky were close, and she was hit quite badly, so I'm quite familiar - if not in the direct sense - with what you felt.
    But as for cats... I don't know if it's Tickld or the seeming omnipotence of Facebook Vines, but cats and entertainment are practically synonymous terms for me XD now. If a stray kitten was dropped off at my door I would not be unhappy. At all. More like I'd run to grab a camera, film cat pranks and start a Vine channel. Am too cruel >.< But it so funneh huehue
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Tue Jan 21, 2014 4:18 pm

    Thanks for that, I honestly don't know. I didn't even want help, I don't care for myself or even like myself, I really just wanted to die. But because of people who know me and how selfish I'd have been for doing that to them I got the medication.

    I hate that for her, I really do... And no, you're not cruel, cats can be very evil.


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Wed Jan 22, 2014 12:36 am

    You'll find your way along your own path in your own way. But it's never a bad thing for a bit of reflection now and then. You may not care for yourself but the fact that you had the humanity to consider the impact a suicide would have on your familial surroundings just shows that you do have qualities that you should care for, that you should acknowledge yourself for. We care, and we acknowledge. So perk up! :D There are things in life worth living for. Granted, they're bloody hard to find sometimes, but they're there.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Wed Jan 22, 2014 7:00 pm

    Thanks, Ranger. You are right, and I know that, it just doesn't really outweigh the bad things about me. =P


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
    Age : 21

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Thu Jan 23, 2014 7:15 am

    I couldn't care less about the bad things. You're a sound lad who is as chill as any dude, wat moar do we need? ;P
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Thu Jan 23, 2014 7:37 pm

    You're actually helping. No one really says anything good about me anymore. I sort of ruined all of that. =P I guess it's good we stopped talking during the time I was screwing things up.


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Fri Jan 24, 2014 5:37 am

    Then it's the people around you with the problem, not you :P I don't know you in person, but the 'it's-over-the-internet' bullcrap is just what it is - bullcrap. Whatever personality one presents online always subliminally stems from themselves no matter how much of a facade it is, so the Castle I know is just the same as the real Castle. And I would actually look forward to have a chill man-date with said Castle for a day in the real world, so you shouldn't worry about anything. Your own perception of 'screwing things up' is always going to be over-exaggerated in some way. Don't be too harsh on yourself.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:25 pm

    I'm the same online as off and thank you, but I'm always going to be too harsh on myself.


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:48 am

    I guess we all are, to a varying degree. But that's just the way things are. Just remember that there's a difference between being harsh on yourself and despising the core of your existence. Not that I'm inferring that you in any way do the latter. But I've dealt in suicidal-isms myself and we all get close to that precipice at some point or another.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
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    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Mon Jan 27, 2014 2:48 pm

    Oh the latter explains my situation exactly, actually. I despise the core of my existence.


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:19 am

    Then you need to fill that core in your life with something that is worth existing for. Sport, games, clubbing, music, love etc. For me, I taught myself how to DJ and produce music, with a bit of partying on the side. No matter how shit you feel, there's nothing better than a mad beer-fueled rave to your own beats with epileptic strobe-lights ^_^ Just find it and stick to it. The progress will be remarkable.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Tue Feb 04, 2014 7:49 am

    I write. I love telling my stories and bringing worlds to life with the power of words, I've just recently gotten a new computer and will be able to throw myself into my work again. ALSO, my girlfriend and I are perfectly happy once again, we found a way to meet in the middle on some things and we're both happy, plus my medication helps a lot. =P


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Tue Feb 04, 2014 2:01 pm

    Sounds fantastic. I couldn't be happier for you both. What genres of literature do you dabble in - what is your particular trade?
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Wed Feb 05, 2014 7:08 am

    Fantasy, of course! I'm doing two different stories, one medieval and one futuristic, currently I'm just writing for a few friends who enjoy it.


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    Ranger 50

    Posts : 1235
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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Wed Feb 05, 2014 11:00 am

    Awesome! I used to love writing too - fantasy being my genre (either that or philosophical thriller type pieces) - but right now my time is actually spent reading. Immersed in quite a lot of adult fantasy at the moment - have you read the Wheel of Time, Mistborn, or Night Angel series'? If you haven't...You must. Must must must. So good. Wheel of Time is a 13/14 book series, whilst the other two are only 3 books each, so maybe check the shorter ones out - they are definitely worth the read.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:36 am

    I'm currently reading The Last Apprentice series, it's supposedly a children's book series, currently 12/13 in America, 13/13 in England.

    It's SO dark and wonderful, I love it.

    10/10 would read for days.


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Fri Feb 07, 2014 3:27 am

    Awesome. Looking at the synopsis for the Last Apprentice, it is exactly the kind of story and genre the Night Angel series is.

    Assassins, creatures of the dark, magic, guilds and whatnot; the main character - who you see grow from a grimy street rat into the deadliest killer - destined with the world's fate in his hands; a spectacularly tangled web of interweaving plots that span across entire countries and nations with war and betrayal and love and epicness at its heart.

    Scale-wise, the amount of land - that includes kingdoms, nations, alliances, sovereigns, empires - spanning the trilogy is gargantuan. The sheer amount of stuff that's condensed into the three books is mindblowing. It is also very dark, and the author holds nothing back in his writing that I have to say amazes me still even after several series rereads.

    If you're loving the Last Apprentice, there is no way you won't like Night Angel. So once you finish the series, maybe give NA a shot if you're looking for more dark fantasy material.

    The Wiki article on it

    An excerpt if you ever feel like reading some

    Reviews for the first book : the whole trilogy is one of the most critically acclaimed among its kind
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Sat Feb 08, 2014 4:35 am

    I'll definitely have to look into those books, then. I do hope you read the Last Apprentice series, I need someone to talk to about them!


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Sat Feb 08, 2014 5:02 am

    I'm quite occupied at the moment with the 14-book Wheel of Time series (currently on book 8) so finishing that will take some time. Afterwards, though, I'll be sure to give the Last Apprentice a shot. And yeah, having someone to discuss a particular series of books with is always an awesome thing.
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    Castle

    Squad : Apocalyptic Noodles
    Posts : 1514
    Age : 21
    Location : My Throne

    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Castle on Sat Feb 08, 2014 5:31 am

    None of my friends are readers, unfortunately. Our generation these days lacks proper appreciation for good books.


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    Ranger 50

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    Re: My Birthday and Me

    Post by Ranger 50 on Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:49 pm

    So true! The new age entertainment blizzards have cut wide swathes through the current teen demographic, leaving no room for any properly thought-provoking mediums to indulge in...The bittersweet curse of the internet boom, I guess.

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